Heart

Dear Heart,

                The things you feel confuse me

Dear God,

        ....unravel the mess that it is tangled up like christmas tree lights in me,You're the only one I have truly fallin in love with
Don't know the reasons for infatuation,lending my emotions to those pleasantly waiting
Yet so unattached I move like a bag on a conveyor belt
How does this work?Its been the same seems like all of my life,the tracks of my tears wondering if I shall be a wife

Feeling pleasantly peasant-ly dibbling and dabbling with the thought of the worth of me...
The worth of me..thinking about the outer me so they can see the inner me..still persuaded by the hymns of beauty from the lips of the unworthy.

God I scream from the top of my lungs.....what's the deal with me???
I sit and my mind goes in and out with the thoughts of him..."Him" being whomever has won the gaze of my eye...
With a false sense of friendship..I'm STILL swooned by looks and STILL misunderstand ..God please help me...

Dear heart,

      ...you're deceitful...you hold memories of emotions passed...you divide the truth

You tell the mind what to look for...

    Dear heart,

            you are a mighty warrior

You pick your battles BUT go in willing to lose 

Blinded by desire you still choose

Oh this heart of mine,with a shell like a nut ,you long to be opened,free from assumptions

Yet you go ahead of me..clogging this head on me..

Fogging the the light embedded in me..
You make me act a fool and reveal feelings..false feelings..YOU are filled with scrambled up waves,misconceptions and false ideas
I blame me...I fill you with the world and have not guarded you,so now you control me....

Heart You're deceitful above all things,but I think I taught you the false song you sing.
Ke

BECAUSE

Have you ever had a day where your mind and heart is just full of questions?I read a random fact that said the average 4 yr old asks 400 questions a DAY!A DAY????..whoa now...there aren't even 400 WORDS in an average 4yr old's vocabulary.
Well anyway...I was asking God a series of questions,rhetorical in structure ,however I would have very much so appreciated an answer ,when He was ready of course.Can't rush God ,it's impossible ,your haste makes you move without direction.I'm not trying that anymore,it doesn't taste good and from the outside looking in the results are never good.
So back to the questions...you know how it goes.."God what do you want me to do?,Where should I be?Is this right?Are you sure?God why me.......?"

I happen to spray paint random things...now that I have this new found passion for jewelry..so...yea...I was looking for a few pieces of this necklace I was making and stuck to a nut (nuts and bolts nut)..I see a small piece of newspaper...and it says "BECAUSE" simple and perfectly torn.
I laugh.....because instantly I am brought back to my questions.
Have you ever asked you parents or a guardian :"Why? Why" ..But Why?" and they go ,face expressionless,(if it's a black woman) neck twist "Because!"..or "Because I said so"
So I was instantly in awe...I don't believe in coincidences and out of a huge newspaper  why was this the main piece?

Interesting huh?Shut me up quickly!

But then I  got more curious and dug around into my little 3" ACE hardware store nuts and bolts box and found more.....

Now the people that KNOW me may say.."Ke ...are you serious?Its not that deep".....but I'd  rather hold onto a promise that no one understands but me...because I figure if God wants to whisper something  in my ear..just me..Why not listen?From the quiet prayers of my heart....HE heard even me and my mumbo jumbo.

<3

Ke

Dear Diary,

“My work is like a diary. To understand it, you have to see how it mirrors life.”

Pablo Picasso-

Little girls LOVE diaries.They made you feel like you have important things to say,and if you had that little cheap lock, it made you feel like no one in the whole wide world could ever get in(especially if you hid the key in your pillow case).
They made you feel like you were growing up because NO one knew about the crushes except your closest girl buddy and page 2 out of 15,rant and raved about how he smiled,how he hit you and ran,how his eyelashes were long and how he specially asked to borrow your crayon.Diaries are were our ways of letting thoughts hit paper with out running away.

I personally have had at least 7.Every one different,and with each age and experience,a bit more "interesting".EVERY ONE had boys in them,"He's stupid","He's cute","Why is he with her?"...etc.
My sister told me how she recently found her old diary and how she had cursed all of us out in it.LOL..I've been there.awww
When we get "older" diaries now become "Journals" ..they get less cute and more solid colored ,no characters and no more fake metal locks,maybe a nice string to keep it closed,and some couture news cut outs in the border that make you feel uber cool and crafty. :-).
It's where your most personal thoughts,emotions,prayers concerns,cries for help go.Think about how much writing affects the world,it's intimate,something so sad and scary as a suicide letter holds more emotion than sometimes a spoken paragraph can.Scary?Sometimes misinterpreted upon reading and too shocking to say aloud,writing creates a world where your brain draws pictures with your pen/pencil and then creates the same or similar affect for those who have the privilege of reading it.I just thought about how full the brain must get and if it had a ways of emptying out,what would,or where would it be.Crafty thing this brain of ours is,dangerous too.


I LOVE to write,I LOVE stories ,short stories,modern day and old school parable like stories with meaning and some that just ,make you Laugh out Loud.My most favorite author is Zora Neale Hurston.I own her collection of short stories.Her writings are so unique,she had a way of capturing the moment and time and bring you there.Plus she writes how her characters spoke,deep southern vernacular with broken words and concoctions that only few can relate to.I LOVE it!

If you're a writer I encourage you to write more.Who cares about titles?If it's what you LOVE you do it!You do it because no talent should go unused and hid in the ground(refer previous post entitled "25" ) .

Love!!!!!

Hi Friend,
Just a few things I  think you should know before you embark on this new friendship
If you make me mad I may not speak to you.Make me mad enough,I'll wish you never existed.Hurt me and I'll find a magic wand to erase every good thing you've ever done and the worst will be the only thing I remember.And I'll always remind you of what you've done.
But I Love you tho.

Lol.Imagine someone saying that to you?
Kind of nervy huh?
But we do that all of the time in our actions.
Lately I have been challenged in the "love" area...Not necessarily in that of romantics but, overall.I'm the type of person that doesn't take things at face value,I need core evidence and foundational truth before i can believe it.I need to know that this is the right way.That's one reason why I take my Beliefs in Christ seriously.It doesn't obey the laws of physics(hence our prayers reach Him before we open our mouths).There are no Chemistry formulas that can break down its truths.SO what?How do you believe if it can't be measured?But I will say Christianity requires faith .Not everything is logical.

SO.....getting to the meat of this...I have been struggling with "forgiveness".A ha!
It's one thing to say: "I forgive you,now go on about your business and never show your face again" but another to say :" I forgive you and I love you too...now go on about your business".....lol
Seriously...I thought I had this forgiveness thing in the bag.Forgive so you'll be forgiven....so on and so forth.BUT!....it turns out (through self examination) I forgive on my own terms.I can let it go ,as long as Im not thinking about it..so if I can push this as far a possible to the back of my mind,it keeps it from hurting over and over.NOT SO!....what you try to hide always finds another way out,either in actions or future circumstances.Like...digestion,sooner or later what you eat has got to be released.If it doesn't get out one way,your body will find another and if that way doesn't work,your insides and your whole system is knocked off,and you get sick.Same thing with unforgiveness,you get sick.You;re not well.You;re heart gets hardened and you put so much into this one feeling that all else is affected.

What to do? what to do?
SO I've prayed about this thing.Ask God to help me...and HE has.But I've realized its a process that has a date and time determined by God NOT me...I can't rush recovery.:-/
I have no answers at the moment.Just thoughts and consistent prayer.
"God help me to love like you love.A love like mine isn't a love that you've required.My love holds a grudge,my love secretly has disdain. My love isn't love at all.This is why I NEED you God..."

For no other reason I trust God because life is enough all on its own.I'm convinced and persuaded that God has all the answers and I don't..I know He does.A HA!..Even if He doesn't tell me a single thing.Which is why my trust is in Him.SO if you read this blog and are tired of the rants and raves about Jesus.....I make no apologies.Champions make no apologies for a solid win, hatred makes no apology for the lives lost.SO why should I sigh and be timid about the God who has Loved me and continues to teach me?I wont.I love him and honestly that's the only type of Love I think I've gotten right.

I Corinthians 13

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 

If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. 

One my pursuit to Love like I've been Loved by God...join me.

John 15:13
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Keeks

If you so happen to be the rabbit......Listen to me

Ran across someone esles' blog and saw this:

No one's sure of anything...and I think I *am* the turtle. Say hello to the rabbit for me--I may not win, but I'm certainly going to finish.

Interesting perspective on the perseverance in the midst of an uncommon pace.Surely the most uncommon pace you may seem to take in life is shared by MANY others.
I tend to think like this.."pray for the others that you don't know,because they share the same trial as you"

How awesome....I tend to say "Time is the Hare and I'm the Tortoise"..lol.Being at work Especially,or having many things to do and sooo little time.24hrs in a day seems hardly enough to get anything done...But!Just think ,God could have chosen any number of hours to form a  day.The sun rises from her bed just when HE tells her to,and the Moon knows when to shine.Though  sometimes share the sky.
Quite poetic.
It's all planned and purposed before we were and even when we cease to be.
Count your hours but don't rush them UNLESS your life is really filling them.

READY FOR LOVE

Here's some morning madness..........I LOVE this song...

powerful lyrics...

 

 

 

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respects the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with an offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind

Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready