Life as it is TODAY

#1-I deleted all of the secular music out of my Ipod....which was basically R&B..LOL and Adele (YES  SHE HAS A GENRE OF HER OWN) ...I need an emotional do over
#2- Consecration started at my church...We do this every year,50 days of consecration/fasting -in earlier years it was so hard and definitely challenging to the most seasoned faster(ppl who fast on a regular basis)
Fasting is essential to any Christian..as a matter of fact to any faith.It tests the mind ,will and emotions.As a Christian ,you understand that Fasting unlocks your senses,your ability to hear God and most of all a surrendered will.C'mon there's nothing like being hungry ...lol but with it much power comes.I mean what's the use of being a Christian(follower of Christ) and you not believe that you can do what He says you can?I mean why believe in anything then?-WARNING whatever follows will definitely be added to this.

#3-Mourning-A friend died over the weekend,so suddenly.All I can see is the last moment I spoke with her and her smile..

#4-My finances...are looking like I robbed myself and hid the stash...seriously though?Wata Gwan?

#5-Pondering Love-Intimate Love.Don't use the word "Love" loosely-I'm not sure if I trust it outside of God.Lo and behold...another issue of mine...

#6-What am I doing?The only thing I can say that i constantly do is (NOT even in my feeble human control)wake up in the morning....lol seriously

The devotional I read this morning was based on intercession.Intercession is prayer on behalf of another person ,intervening ..yea well.The devotional spoke about sympathy NOT being good in intercession.It can be seen almost as a selfish prayer,one that is based on emotions and not the will of God.The interests of the "feeling" of the issue(s) instead of the God ordained.Get it? Well if I'm overcome with a certain feeling and I being to pray for the person ,I'm really praying for the way I'd like to see things go instead of "God take control".It kinda confused me so I kept reading it over.I agree to an extent ,only because sympathy connects us to one another and often times pushes us to pray .BUT, we have a lot of  sad and distraught people because of "unanswered" prayers,where they prayed that THEIR vision for the situation would come to pass and if the outcome didn't it feels as thought God were not hearing.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” - Romans 12:12
I digress.Let me get back to work.
I pray that God orchestrates your day and gives you the strength you need to get through it.
 Life as it is Now...TODAY ,"God,I need you more than I needed you yesterday".
Ke

Friends are like Itchy Quilts

lol..That may sound harsh but think about it.Quilts keep you warm and though it may rub you the wrong way doing what it's suppose to,you can depend on it.I hope that analogy is a WIN!

I had a long talk with someone and they telling me about a friend,and how they daily encouraged the person.I thought it was cool.She sends daily affirmations to encourage this person letting them know they are awesome!clever!beautiful!creative! and whatever else she could think of.
Something so small can make a world of difference.How awesome!!How life changing for someone to look on you and take the time to say things TO you that you may not think of yourself.What a GODSEND.

In the same hour I was convicted because on another subject she kinda called me out about the way that seems right to me when I am venting or handling  information.Though no harm was meant on my behalf, there could still be potential damage.
At that moment I was taken back because I had to think of all of the others times I had probably...no DID, do the same thing not thinking about the effects.Needless to say, I was quick to ask God to help me.

Do you ever need someone to relate to in the moment?Do you ever need to find the answer in another experience,so you'll know the resolve?
Well I went to the bible and all I kept thinking about was the children of Israel and the time where they had sent out men from their tribes to view the promised land.If you've never read it go check it out Numbers 13 .
After 40 days of looking over the land, there were 2 different reports given of the same land.A few saw it as flowing with milk and honey; fruitful; and the others saw it as scary and dangerous,full of giants;unconquerable.Which report do you think the people listened to?The TERRIFYING one?The one that was negative.It sent total fear and chaos!Can you imagine?

Immediately I thought about what a bad report could do ,the power of a SLOPPY tongue...it could destroy dreams and visions,dim the light of promises.A viewpoint...not even fact!
This is my interpretation....lol I'm not a theologian,there's MUCH more to be said.But I was convicted and had to think about all the dreams and expectations I murdered because of my viewpoint,or opinions.So I was quick to confess my faults before God and ask for forgiveness.The consequences are MUCH more than I can take.
So i resolve to encourage,Im not saying put a cushion on reality,lets be real there ARE scary and true.But the saying goes ,"EVERY TRUTH IS NOT MEANT TO BE SAID".
I digress,I am changing and I am EVER so glad for correction ,as much as it hurts,if you cant be corrected,you;re not where you think you are.


Can you relate?

-Keoka

Heart

Dear Heart,

                The things you feel confuse me

Dear God,

        ....unravel the mess that it is tangled up like christmas tree lights in me,You're the only one I have truly fallin in love with
Don't know the reasons for infatuation,lending my emotions to those pleasantly waiting
Yet so unattached I move like a bag on a conveyor belt
How does this work?Its been the same seems like all of my life,the tracks of my tears wondering if I shall be a wife

Feeling pleasantly peasant-ly dibbling and dabbling with the thought of the worth of me...
The worth of me..thinking about the outer me so they can see the inner me..still persuaded by the hymns of beauty from the lips of the unworthy.

God I scream from the top of my lungs.....what's the deal with me???
I sit and my mind goes in and out with the thoughts of him..."Him" being whomever has won the gaze of my eye...
With a false sense of friendship..I'm STILL swooned by looks and STILL misunderstand ..God please help me...

Dear heart,

      ...you're deceitful...you hold memories of emotions passed...you divide the truth

You tell the mind what to look for...

    Dear heart,

            you are a mighty warrior

You pick your battles BUT go in willing to lose 

Blinded by desire you still choose

Oh this heart of mine,with a shell like a nut ,you long to be opened,free from assumptions

Yet you go ahead of me..clogging this head on me..

Fogging the the light embedded in me..
You make me act a fool and reveal feelings..false feelings..YOU are filled with scrambled up waves,misconceptions and false ideas
I blame me...I fill you with the world and have not guarded you,so now you control me....

Heart You're deceitful above all things,but I think I taught you the false song you sing.
Ke

BECAUSE

Have you ever had a day where your mind and heart is just full of questions?I read a random fact that said the average 4 yr old asks 400 questions a DAY!A DAY????..whoa now...there aren't even 400 WORDS in an average 4yr old's vocabulary.
Well anyway...I was asking God a series of questions,rhetorical in structure ,however I would have very much so appreciated an answer ,when He was ready of course.Can't rush God ,it's impossible ,your haste makes you move without direction.I'm not trying that anymore,it doesn't taste good and from the outside looking in the results are never good.
So back to the questions...you know how it goes.."God what do you want me to do?,Where should I be?Is this right?Are you sure?God why me.......?"

I happen to spray paint random things...now that I have this new found passion for jewelry..so...yea...I was looking for a few pieces of this necklace I was making and stuck to a nut (nuts and bolts nut)..I see a small piece of newspaper...and it says "BECAUSE" simple and perfectly torn.
I laugh.....because instantly I am brought back to my questions.
Have you ever asked you parents or a guardian :"Why? Why" ..But Why?" and they go ,face expressionless,(if it's a black woman) neck twist "Because!"..or "Because I said so"
So I was instantly in awe...I don't believe in coincidences and out of a huge newspaper  why was this the main piece?

Interesting huh?Shut me up quickly!

But then I  got more curious and dug around into my little 3" ACE hardware store nuts and bolts box and found more.....

Now the people that KNOW me may say.."Ke ...are you serious?Its not that deep".....but I'd  rather hold onto a promise that no one understands but me...because I figure if God wants to whisper something  in my ear..just me..Why not listen?From the quiet prayers of my heart....HE heard even me and my mumbo jumbo.

<3

Ke

Dear Diary,

“My work is like a diary. To understand it, you have to see how it mirrors life.”

Pablo Picasso-

Little girls LOVE diaries.They made you feel like you have important things to say,and if you had that little cheap lock, it made you feel like no one in the whole wide world could ever get in(especially if you hid the key in your pillow case).
They made you feel like you were growing up because NO one knew about the crushes except your closest girl buddy and page 2 out of 15,rant and raved about how he smiled,how he hit you and ran,how his eyelashes were long and how he specially asked to borrow your crayon.Diaries are were our ways of letting thoughts hit paper with out running away.

I personally have had at least 7.Every one different,and with each age and experience,a bit more "interesting".EVERY ONE had boys in them,"He's stupid","He's cute","Why is he with her?"...etc.
My sister told me how she recently found her old diary and how she had cursed all of us out in it.LOL..I've been there.awww
When we get "older" diaries now become "Journals" ..they get less cute and more solid colored ,no characters and no more fake metal locks,maybe a nice string to keep it closed,and some couture news cut outs in the border that make you feel uber cool and crafty. :-).
It's where your most personal thoughts,emotions,prayers concerns,cries for help go.Think about how much writing affects the world,it's intimate,something so sad and scary as a suicide letter holds more emotion than sometimes a spoken paragraph can.Scary?Sometimes misinterpreted upon reading and too shocking to say aloud,writing creates a world where your brain draws pictures with your pen/pencil and then creates the same or similar affect for those who have the privilege of reading it.I just thought about how full the brain must get and if it had a ways of emptying out,what would,or where would it be.Crafty thing this brain of ours is,dangerous too.


I LOVE to write,I LOVE stories ,short stories,modern day and old school parable like stories with meaning and some that just ,make you Laugh out Loud.My most favorite author is Zora Neale Hurston.I own her collection of short stories.Her writings are so unique,she had a way of capturing the moment and time and bring you there.Plus she writes how her characters spoke,deep southern vernacular with broken words and concoctions that only few can relate to.I LOVE it!

If you're a writer I encourage you to write more.Who cares about titles?If it's what you LOVE you do it!You do it because no talent should go unused and hid in the ground(refer previous post entitled "25" ) .

Because my Dreams have more money than me

Something that's so effective and helpful for me...is writing things down.
I try and write my goals.I pray over them and really try to make strides towards them.
9 times out of 10,when I have looked back they have been done.
365 days doesn't seem merely enough time to complete ANYTHING...especially since time seems to be on crack(moving way too fast).:-)
Days seem shorter and shorter.
God knows I have dreams and visions yet to come alive.
One thing I have learn to ask is if my dreams and visions are self seeking...
I mean you can't help but want to do things for yourself,but are ALL of them self seeking and have not one thing that can ultimately change a life besides your own?
I can sit on the beaches of Barbados forever,but my life is far more than a stationary position.
I must do what I was put here to do,besides it hasn't been done til' I do it.

Habakkuk 2:2-3
And then God answered: "Write this.
   Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters
   so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness
   pointing to what's coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!
   And it doesn't lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait.
   It's on its way. It will come right on time."


THINK ABOUT IT.....BUT DON'T SIT TOO LONG....

HOW IS THE CREATION TO KNOW IT'S PURPOSE UNLESS IT ASKS THE CREATOR?

KEEKS

Poison

The thing about poison that's so deceptive is the fact that its appearance never really reflects it damage
The posture is steady or limp depending on the environment
The touch usually smooth and endearing
Presence calm and seemingly undisturbing
Poison always has a fore warning that the victims or spectators observe from prior experiences or species of the same kind
So what about mine?
Standing tall like a Sequoya of our kind
Presence soft, like Cashmere and  fine
The poison I willingly stood close by ,so willingly swooned by
The thing about poison that's so hard is that it makes you go to where its from
A place deep and dark, where it draws its strength
Where its roots lie trying to escape ,to get to the sun
Because In darkness even the darkest beings want some
So why do we continuously take life altering journey's to its depth?
We've read about it before
Helped heal others who were sore
Even know the antibody through  first hand experiences
Tasted His power
And have had dosages of His saving power

But climbed  from underneath his arms
running through the fields we go, endeavoring to be brave all on our own
Masking rebellion with courage ...we go head first
Our eyes bigger than the stomach of our flesh… we hunger for more
Not understanding the damage and its depth
No you see..its not only the flesh that gets the poison
Its the blood stream , the life of the being who's infected
See all of you is at stake because you brushed by something ,the real damage undetected
You went deeper because the first encounter went without a sting
The trick is the misdiagnosis so it can continue to do its infecting...
WE tread along with wounds of pride and false searches of remedies
Bypassing help, because we're scared of what it means
We know the steps we take are wrong ,because it boggles you with every move that you make
Deeper and deeper we go,
So like a whisper in the wind does the Voice of God seem
You know you hear him but your determination is else where

The decision like a hunch back on a balance beam

Taking uncertain steps already bent from the process

Pressing for more of what tastes good

Thinking of the place where you once stood

Pleasing the emotions of your ever changing heart

Don’t know when to stop ,you look back at the start

Asking questions because now the sting has begun to penetrate

Now you've tasted the pain and then the rain

the eyes of the soul begin to shed tears 

The salt the preserves and heals leaks from a place unknown to you

Drip by drip you you begin to come to......

Not all poison is obviously in its sting

Some have the most beautiful covering

SO what protects you? What keeps you?

Is life by chance, lived by chance or is there a lesson in every step?

I wont say that all journey’s are self determined and dependent upon personal direction.

God determines that,

I will say that the Love of God is the only thing that proves to be a cure.

By Keoka L....

"Its not always the plant itself.....but the seeds"

25

I gave you a part of what I have because I knew the worth . 

I looked at your hands as a pair of the grandest on earth. I carefully placed a portion that I knew you were capable of executing; into those hands for your doing. 

For some of the same ,multiplying what I gave was their aim; 5times..10 times of the portion given But You looked at it , twirled it around a bit , held it out before you as a mirror looking for your image in it, and carried it for awhile ,seeing if it fit your style. 

You even placed it in your pocket,underneath you pillow and slept on it,even put it somewhere safe and locked it. 

Then when the time was spent and the busyness too You looked around and placed it in the ground. I arose sure that you had it and to see what you did with it.

Came and asked for my portion back You looked in my eyes,dug around a bit and gave it intact.

I never took my eyes off of you ,you just stared back I asked ,“What is this I hold?” 

You said, “It’s what you gave me ,and it started to get old ,so I dug a spot for it,nice and warm away from the cold.” 

“But I could have done that ! It was mine to entrust to you.The ones who it meant the least to,doubled and tripled more than you” 

You replied ,“But you have EVERYTHING and and could get more.How could this small bit,be something you care for?  

“Even a spec more would have made my heart smile,made my trusting you worth while.You dont understand...thinking I’d be pleased because you hid it. Who receives a gift and doesn’t unwrap it?Has a book but never opens it?Has seed but never plants it?Never looking for the increase or fulfillment.If you don’t see the worth of a gift,it will never be .If you don’t know the heart of the giver,then to You its better off in the ground not with me. What you had was a small corner in a big picture,and you failed to see.If you don’t take what I given and use it,you will forever lose it and be of no worth to me. 

  "I dont understand,WHY would you give it to ME?The least of them,the smallest bit?You gave more to them,OF COURSE they'd increase it!God the vision You SEE is bigger than me" 

"How you misunderstood me,the servant and the master .All this time You don't really know me.I knew that if I could trust you with the small the rest would would be of no worry.The one who takes work in the least of it ,has a heart like me. Make no mistakes,those who increase for me,will be blessed. The vision and the plan are never equated with the limits of man.So the things I see are Great like me " 

BY Keoka

Poem based off the Parable of the Talents- Matthew 25 

Sheesh!If you're anything like me,you have sooo much on you mind,in your plate, work load, that you DONT know what to do with it.Looking for and understanding what to do in this thing called life can sometimes be like finding a needle in a haystack..BUT! it's possible.Every step is a step. One motto,that I have been living by,is ..."What you have to do in this world hasn't been done ,til YOU do it"...That secures my reason for breathing.How about for you? So I write them (goals) down and I check on them,every step is a step.Just take them. OK THAT'S ENOUGH WRITING FOR NOW.

Harlem Nectar

-A ROSE FROM THE CONCRETE,MORE GENUINE THAN THE IMAGE"
The story is not always about the damn near dead ,but the beauty rising.-

Harlem Nectar

I'm so over the ghetto prodigies,and hood anthems swallowed like prophecies
Born in a land praised by the outside
Objectively looking in but subjective in their choices....they pass us on their train ride
I want to get to the substance of this
The sweet part
I am a rose from the concrete
Even more genuine than the image
The journey is not always about the damn near dead...but also about the ones who got around it
Or the story can remain...
From gutter to glory and the writings surrounding the story
A land where babies know more than the elders
A land where the elders living longer then their fruit
Where heart attacks kill the youth and the old grow stronger

Where the youth know no "wrong"
the Nectar is the sweet part of the flower,that only a few see
The Nectar is the You,the Nectar is me.
What do you have to change the story?
Shaking heads ,not cold from the air
Heads bowed from the needles of despair
Heads bowed for the ultimate fight in prayer
Heads bowed because you remember what its like to be there
The girl searching for father in the damnedest places
Hand cupped around tear filled faces

In arms not even strong enough to hold themselves
In money made with the same intents as hell.
Nectar isn't relatively visible to every eye-witness news
The Nectar is me,the Nectar is YOU.

Inspired by a bus ride- KE