Friends are like Itchy Quilts

lol..That may sound harsh but think about it.Quilts keep you warm and though it may rub you the wrong way doing what it's suppose to,you can depend on it.I hope that analogy is a WIN!

I had a long talk with someone and they telling me about a friend,and how they daily encouraged the person.I thought it was cool.She sends daily affirmations to encourage this person letting them know they are awesome!clever!beautiful!creative! and whatever else she could think of.
Something so small can make a world of difference.How awesome!!How life changing for someone to look on you and take the time to say things TO you that you may not think of yourself.What a GODSEND.

In the same hour I was convicted because on another subject she kinda called me out about the way that seems right to me when I am venting or handling  information.Though no harm was meant on my behalf, there could still be potential damage.
At that moment I was taken back because I had to think of all of the others times I had probably...no DID, do the same thing not thinking about the effects.Needless to say, I was quick to ask God to help me.

Do you ever need someone to relate to in the moment?Do you ever need to find the answer in another experience,so you'll know the resolve?
Well I went to the bible and all I kept thinking about was the children of Israel and the time where they had sent out men from their tribes to view the promised land.If you've never read it go check it out Numbers 13 .
After 40 days of looking over the land, there were 2 different reports given of the same land.A few saw it as flowing with milk and honey; fruitful; and the others saw it as scary and dangerous,full of giants;unconquerable.Which report do you think the people listened to?The TERRIFYING one?The one that was negative.It sent total fear and chaos!Can you imagine?

Immediately I thought about what a bad report could do ,the power of a SLOPPY tongue...it could destroy dreams and visions,dim the light of promises.A viewpoint...not even fact!
This is my interpretation....lol I'm not a theologian,there's MUCH more to be said.But I was convicted and had to think about all the dreams and expectations I murdered because of my viewpoint,or opinions.So I was quick to confess my faults before God and ask for forgiveness.The consequences are MUCH more than I can take.
So i resolve to encourage,Im not saying put a cushion on reality,lets be real there ARE scary and true.But the saying goes ,"EVERY TRUTH IS NOT MEANT TO BE SAID".
I digress,I am changing and I am EVER so glad for correction ,as much as it hurts,if you cant be corrected,you;re not where you think you are.


Can you relate?

-Keoka

I can do better....

Reverting to my last post ...HERE

Have you ever had a month,a year,a DAY where you ask yourself?How in the world did I get here???
It was a series of events that led up to ONE highlighted event that shed light on all of the others.
I consider myself to be financially......safe...lol HA! ...WHATEVER THAT MEANS..lol
However I sometimes spend as if I have a rich alter ego.
I'm coming to realize that no one is picking up the bill..but ME .I am the one paying for all of the expenses and am left to fork over the moolah EACH and every time I spend! duh!

Anyway I said that to say this...
I no longer wish to be "safe" I need to be secure. Aha! Do they mean the same thing ..?no.Safe is cool...(away from harm) i.e. I don't have pookie and them looking for their money following me around in a tinted black car.That's more like..Umbrella in rainstorm........
"Secure"-Make certain in the future. <<------THAT  is where I need to be (i.e...a routine is now a habit,embedded in me and a lifestyle).Imagine seat belt secure...not a car seat belt..no, like and 16 story ride at Dorney Park seat belt secure..Got the visual?Good.
is this making sense?

 I literally less than 10 min ago ..printed out my bank statement and went to dissecting my funds.Highlighting the nonsense and the necessary...and guess what came head to head ??Nonsense!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhh.
Well I'm done with lying to myself and feeling like if I do good one month and have excess income,I've graduated into the better bank habit league.I can't start and stop.It's scary.
As a new business owner,learning that my gifts will one day be my MAIN source of income and possibly  livelihood UNLESS I MARRY DWIGHT HOWARD-#dontjudgeme I MUST do better.
I wont beat myself up...BUT I must push myself.
I must tell yo that this morning .....I felt schizophrenic moving my legs in and out of the square blocks on the ground as I shuffled back and forth wondering if I should stop for coffee at (fill in the blank)...I must've look REALLY confused.
But I took a deep breath and walked straight to work.

Anyway I saw this on this BLOG and I became encouraged.

I CAN do better...and since can means physically able...I WILL do better.

Keoka

Opurtune appt or just a Lesson...?

Soooooo the most random things happen to me...

So...I'm VERY dismissive with men...lol ....Like even if Im attracted to you,I'll totally be like....T-T-Y-L..in your face,this coming from somone who doesnt want to be single forever.

Ok so on my usual Starbukcs run a man tries to talk to me..Nice looking,smooth skin...whatever.He's being very inquisitive ..which btw in NYC is sometimes very stalker ish..lol I let him know he was asking A Lot of questions.I told  him my name was KO KO and i had a bf..(none is true).He said he was Nigerian and was in an R&B group.I said ok :: side eye:: and continued on to order my Caramel Brule latte He asks for my number.I said NO..with a smile.We made a lil small talk,my friend comes in and..HE disappears..SO i google his group when I got back tot he office.

UM....can we say Super star?Dudes a millionaire he and his twin brother have a successful singing group.Platinum ,BET Award winning..and any other accolade you could think of  to rub my face in humble pie,lol.

I kicked myself for awhile because either way I was dishonest and very stand offish(of which my co worker says may be an indwelling issue since there was a similar subject on the most recent Oprah).But anyway.

I turned into the stalker monster and looked up all of the albums ,pretty cool group.Too bad he was so busy getting my info that he didn't tell me his name.So I have no idea which twin it was.He had on a  hat so it could be either one.lol.MY LIFE.All of this after my mentor(who's Nigerian as well) clearly told me(in his voice like God way)..stop being so picky,so off set.

So ladies...take it from me,whether an international R&B singer or the garbage man....dont be so hard ,so guarded,not every man is that one man that you have to shoo away.Be safe but not snobby.Be wise.

I could have just been meant to encourage him,not marry him...lol

Prayer :

"God....lol (who says Lol in prayer?) 

From now on I know better,I knew better last time,but this time I know BETTER.So whether it be him or someone else,I must learn to be honest and just..Let not another opportunity pass by,millionaire or pauper.Amen"

Learn from Me..."Ko Ko"

SMH!

Heart

Dear Heart,

                The things you feel confuse me

Dear God,

        ....unravel the mess that it is tangled up like christmas tree lights in me,You're the only one I have truly fallin in love with
Don't know the reasons for infatuation,lending my emotions to those pleasantly waiting
Yet so unattached I move like a bag on a conveyor belt
How does this work?Its been the same seems like all of my life,the tracks of my tears wondering if I shall be a wife

Feeling pleasantly peasant-ly dibbling and dabbling with the thought of the worth of me...
The worth of me..thinking about the outer me so they can see the inner me..still persuaded by the hymns of beauty from the lips of the unworthy.

God I scream from the top of my lungs.....what's the deal with me???
I sit and my mind goes in and out with the thoughts of him..."Him" being whomever has won the gaze of my eye...
With a false sense of friendship..I'm STILL swooned by looks and STILL misunderstand ..God please help me...

Dear heart,

      ...you're deceitful...you hold memories of emotions passed...you divide the truth

You tell the mind what to look for...

    Dear heart,

            you are a mighty warrior

You pick your battles BUT go in willing to lose 

Blinded by desire you still choose

Oh this heart of mine,with a shell like a nut ,you long to be opened,free from assumptions

Yet you go ahead of me..clogging this head on me..

Fogging the the light embedded in me..
You make me act a fool and reveal feelings..false feelings..YOU are filled with scrambled up waves,misconceptions and false ideas
I blame me...I fill you with the world and have not guarded you,so now you control me....

Heart You're deceitful above all things,but I think I taught you the false song you sing.
Ke

Love!!!!!

Hi Friend,
Just a few things I  think you should know before you embark on this new friendship
If you make me mad I may not speak to you.Make me mad enough,I'll wish you never existed.Hurt me and I'll find a magic wand to erase every good thing you've ever done and the worst will be the only thing I remember.And I'll always remind you of what you've done.
But I Love you tho.

Lol.Imagine someone saying that to you?
Kind of nervy huh?
But we do that all of the time in our actions.
Lately I have been challenged in the "love" area...Not necessarily in that of romantics but, overall.I'm the type of person that doesn't take things at face value,I need core evidence and foundational truth before i can believe it.I need to know that this is the right way.That's one reason why I take my Beliefs in Christ seriously.It doesn't obey the laws of physics(hence our prayers reach Him before we open our mouths).There are no Chemistry formulas that can break down its truths.SO what?How do you believe if it can't be measured?But I will say Christianity requires faith .Not everything is logical.

SO.....getting to the meat of this...I have been struggling with "forgiveness".A ha!
It's one thing to say: "I forgive you,now go on about your business and never show your face again" but another to say :" I forgive you and I love you too...now go on about your business".....lol
Seriously...I thought I had this forgiveness thing in the bag.Forgive so you'll be forgiven....so on and so forth.BUT!....it turns out (through self examination) I forgive on my own terms.I can let it go ,as long as Im not thinking about it..so if I can push this as far a possible to the back of my mind,it keeps it from hurting over and over.NOT SO!....what you try to hide always finds another way out,either in actions or future circumstances.Like...digestion,sooner or later what you eat has got to be released.If it doesn't get out one way,your body will find another and if that way doesn't work,your insides and your whole system is knocked off,and you get sick.Same thing with unforgiveness,you get sick.You;re not well.You;re heart gets hardened and you put so much into this one feeling that all else is affected.

What to do? what to do?
SO I've prayed about this thing.Ask God to help me...and HE has.But I've realized its a process that has a date and time determined by God NOT me...I can't rush recovery.:-/
I have no answers at the moment.Just thoughts and consistent prayer.
"God help me to love like you love.A love like mine isn't a love that you've required.My love holds a grudge,my love secretly has disdain. My love isn't love at all.This is why I NEED you God..."

For no other reason I trust God because life is enough all on its own.I'm convinced and persuaded that God has all the answers and I don't..I know He does.A HA!..Even if He doesn't tell me a single thing.Which is why my trust is in Him.SO if you read this blog and are tired of the rants and raves about Jesus.....I make no apologies.Champions make no apologies for a solid win, hatred makes no apology for the lives lost.SO why should I sigh and be timid about the God who has Loved me and continues to teach me?I wont.I love him and honestly that's the only type of Love I think I've gotten right.

I Corinthians 13

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 

If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. 

One my pursuit to Love like I've been Loved by God...join me.

John 15:13
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Keeks

SHOP SHOP SHOP........SMH